Fed up with waiting for a GP appointment? Disappointed when you do get one? Had enough of doctors and receptionists talking down to you?

Microsoft has teamed up with the NHS to create ChatGP, an AI that is your personal, private doctor. House calls? No problem – they’re already there. Feel like a stranger? No longer: ChatGP has read all your medical records and those of your family. ChatGP knows about your job, your employer, your employees and all your social media friends and activities.

Choose from a range of avatars of all ages, nationalities, languages, genders and personality types. Interview them and engage the one you want. You can even hire another one for second opinions. Your avatar will communicate with you at exactly the right level, whether you are a university professor or a complete imbecile.

ChatGP can communicate with a large number of devices like FitBit, blood pressure readers, pacemakers and other medical sensors and can analyse pictures and videos from your phone in real time to give you an up to the minute diagnosis.

Reports are texted to you, prescriptions sent direct to your chosen chemist, no-quibble referrals made to real-life consultants and your medical records are updated after each consultation. It can also book sessions at your gym and make appointments with therapists and other wellness related services. It can recommend dietary and lifestyle changes and provide advice gleaned from a database of twenty trillion agony aunt columns and daytime television shows.

Join the ChatGP beta testing team for free, or buy into one of the many health packages available from Microsoft, starting with ChatGP Lite at £399 pcm up to the ChatGP Premium Service available at the knockdown price of £1199 pcm.

Offers valid till end May 2023. 2% staff discount available to NHS and Microsoft employees (6 months only). Terms and conditions apply.